things i think are funny

cheese!

2011-06-12T16:50:00.000-07:00

currently in boston so no time to blog, but how cute are my nieces?!

bye!

yearbook memories

2011-05-16T18:41:00.000-07:00

watching the finale of 90210 has really made me reminiscent of high school. or maybe it's that my old yearbooks are sitting at the foot of my chaise. one can't be too sure. anyway, as promised, here is some content from the magical memories box that remains a source of tension between me and lyn lyn.

high school yearbooks are supposed to be where you write messages to those you care about, telling them about how much they mean to you, how much they've affected who you are as a person, about how you know you'll be BFFAEAEAE and ever!

to show you how i made my impact on my peers, i've taken photos of a few of the most tender messages in my yearbook:

cherished memory #1:

i suppose i should first comment on the spelling of my name. you see, in grade 7 i decided i wanted to be different, so i made it up. yep. just made up the spelling of my name. and until the end of highschool, my name was becka kogon to my peers, on class lists and even on my report cards. i suppose the second point to be made is the cherished message that i will hold close to my heart forever- a reminder of when i was kicked out of math class for laughing too hard. i'm much better at laughing than math.

cherished memory #2:

it's so touching that one of my dearest, oldest friends had so many kind things to say about...my sunglasses (by the way, those sweet shades were from leftover frames at my dad's office with tinted lenses that weren't quite dark enough - they were like transition lenses aka those sexy lunettes that have been popularized by your grandparents). no touching on our years of friendship, of the fact we spent almost every single day together for 4 years, or even a fond memory or two from our exchange to france. nope. sunglasses. and shopping.

cherished memory #3

to be honest, i did think i was special, taking grade 11 philosophy while i was in grade 10. i thought i was so deep because i was taking this class and would rush home to chat with my crush on msn messenger about the mind-body problem (but only for 15 minutes at a time because technically i wasn't allowed to use the internet on schooldays, and because we had dial up, i had to go on and off a lot so that my parents wouldn't suspect anything). honestly, can you think of anything cuter than a loud-mouthed 15-year-old showing off to a boy about how much they know about descartes (very little)? so while this yearbook message from an anonymous boy claims that it was a joke, i know that it wasn't - descartes just wasn't as sexy at frontenac secondary school as it might have been on the mcgill arts steps.

cherished memory #4

you'll notice that my arm reads "grade 10 rep". no biggie, everybody. no biggie.

hope you enjoyed the glimpse into my high school yearbook. the next big question is should i or shouldn't i wear a monochromatic orange ensemble tomorrow? bye!

photo fabulous

2011-05-11T19:38:00.000-07:00

despite the fact that mother lives in a large four-bedroom home with only my father, she is insistent that i clear out my old belongings and bring them to my 530 square foot apartment. apparently the "crap" which is put away tidily in my closet and dresser is seriously hampering my mother's space. when i was home last, father and i went through my bookshelf together and created two boxes: a keeper box, and a hide-in-the-basement-without-telling-mom box. sidenote on our basement: this is what you'll find in it: two couches, a 13inch television (with a sweet built in VCR), a bike, and maybe 5-10 small cartons containing old files, old university documents, etc. there is enough room in the basement to do approximately 3.5 cartwheels without touching anything. if you even MENTION my basement, lyn lyn will have a nervous breakdown and insist that the clutter is so frustrating and why won't my father get rid of everything already and everyone in our family holds on to so much and that's it, this year she's giving it all away to the charity bazaar and she means it this time! 3.5 cartwheels. without hitting a thing.

anyway, last weekend my father accidentally brought the hide-in-the-basement-without-telling-mom box which consisted of old high school yearbooks, old camp itons, and all of my old photo albums. please bring this back to kingston, i insisted, i don't have room for this here. my mother looked sternly at my father, don't you dare put that box back in the car. i looked sternly at my father, are you aware of the 530 square feet that i live in? you can't leave this with me! 3 days later, here i am perusing through old memories.

these albums and yearbooks are providing me with enough blog material to last about 12 years. this post will be fashion inspired. i'd like share with you, dear readers, some of my best apparel choices. let's go in chronological order:

1. rebecca goes to quebec city

i'm not sure which fashion choice i think is better - is it my khaki shorts or is it the choice of black sport socks worn with my sweet running shoes from "joggers" in the frontenac mall?

2. rebecca dances in the talent show

as sweet as my adidas tearaways are, i think it's even sweeter that i was dancing in a talent show. i was really happy for this picture because it was the first time lyn lyn let me wear "spaghetti straps" to school.

3. rebecca gets the most awesome present ever (!!!) from bluenotes

is anything better than an awesome orange tee that announces to the world that i, rebecca emma kogon, am a goddess? and a spaghetti strap tank - score. if my memory serves correctly, i wore that shirt to the school dance later that month which took place in our cafeteria from 5 p.m. - 8 p.m.

4. rebecca's first topshop purchase

...and boy was it a practical one. a hip, white, mesh off-the-shoulder number. i paired it with my denim mavi flares and my built-in-bra tank from old navy. where were the streetstylers in 1999? seriously.

like i said, these are some of the gems from just ONE album. i can't wait to dive into my yearbooks. bye!

My Niece...

2011-05-04T09:30:00.001-07:00

...Was dressed by my father last week. This was the result:

Bye!

my weekend in kingston

2011-04-24T18:01:00.000-07:00

currently on the train, wrapped up all cozy in my leopard print cape, and since the internet is blocking me from streaming television shows, i have no other choice but to blog about my long weekend.

my easter weekend started following my 20-hour workday on wednesday (new record! my boss picked me up at 3:30am and i went to sleep at at 11:30pm...nice). thursday i was exhausted, had a sore neck (which made me look very regal as it was also the day my new leopard print cape arrived, which i obviously put on immediately) and had no luck finding a train to go home since i waited until the last minute. what to do instead? why to head to decadence, of course. for those of you who don't know, decadence was an insane electro dance party at the guvernment, where the last act went on at 5:30am. i was hosted by the owner of the guvernment which was pretty cool since we were onstage for part of the night, and also we got to stand in an area where there were way less sweaty people. but there were still a lot of sweaty people and i felt like i was in the middle of a hot yoga class (this time without running out of the class to be sick, as i did last week with the bride), so my makeup obviously was melting off my face which made me look really pretty and put together.

i woke up early on friday to head back to kingston, where i haven't visited since christmas. i went over to j-girl's house (who from hereon in shall be referred to as s-girl) where H and the hockey player somehow convinced us to visit kingston's finest nightlife destination, stages nightclub. everything about stages represent high-class glamour, from the carpeted floors to the lineup of girls gyrating against the dj booth. g-l-a-m-o-u-r. let me tell you, it was a slice. i'll set the scene: H and the hockey player were in a nice mood thanks to their potato vodka (love passover) and s-girl and i (wearing my leopard print cape again - are you really going to wear that blanket into the club? the hockey player had asked me earlier) stood by idly while the hockey player chucked ice cubes at girls to get their attention (it worked). after hearing s&m by rihanna for the third time, we all piled into the subaru and headed home for the night. wild. sidenote, we chatted briefly with taylor hall and s-girl and H were having mild seizures, whereas i had no idea who he was.

on saturday, i met up with jabers after her year of exciting travels. we fully caught up and then agreed that we were ready to brave the downtown high school reunion crowd. we got father to drive us downtown to the bar (sweet) and then walked in and took a seat at the bar. just us two gals, cool and collected. in walks one girl from our highschool and our faces both turn deep red, we both stumble over our sentences, begin giggling and start ruffling through our purses anxiously to avoid saying hello. smooth. mature. sophisticated. jabers had some friends heading out to another bar, so we walk (me more so reluctantly than her) to the next destination. just my luck, my nemesis from grade 7 through to grade 12 was standing outside. are you who i think you are, he asked me. yes, i responded, i am. you look different, he said. and then we walked into the bar. we were killing it tonight!

as i suspected, the bar was packed with people from high school. we kept it together and caught up with people i hadn't seen since 2004. nurses, engineers, cashiers and poker players - everyone is up to something different. not one person asked jabers or myself one question about ourselves which makes me think either everyone hates us or everyone in kingston has horrific manners. suppose it could go either way, though i don't remember being particularly abrasive or terrible in high school. perhaps my positions on the student's council and the rugby team rubbed people the wrong way. or maybe it was my placement in the french immersion program. there were always a lot of stigmas associated with the "french fries", directed from the "english muffins". my highschool needed better nicknames for cliques.

to conclude the weekend, the family and i went to a close family friend's house for dinner. was telling them about my extravagant experience at decadence. did you get bottle service? were you a baller? asked L. what's a baller, asked L's mom V, is that someone who screws a lot? lynlyn piped up: is a baller from saturday night fever? like a disco baller? V chimed in again, is a baller someone with very large sneakers? then we all went on facbeook and stalked people's pictures and i got on the train. and here i am. on the train. listening to dashboard confessional to feel nostalgic for high school. bye!

spring

2011-04-11T16:54:00.000-07:00

so many exciting things have been happening lately. i find myself walking with, pun very much intended, 'spring' in my step. here are a few things that are making me quite happy:

1. the weather is nice. this is mostly good. the only reason it is a bit not good is because i can't layer in 2 jackets and a fur vest anymore, but i've been rocking the fur vest with a tube top under, so that's okay (also, i know what you're thinking - i thought tube tops died after j.lo's my love don't cost a thing video. news flash: they didn't)

2. i went to my very first karaoke bar. i thought my experience was really unique. due to the sauna-like heat, it involved most people in a 100 square foot basement room with no windows stripping off their clothes (not me, mom. for reals) and belting out old school britney. but at 2:00am when the manager opened the door to let us know it was last call, he seemed unfazed, so apparently 12 near-naked 20-somethings is the karaokic (is that a word?) norm. still a great time, despite coming home to see my new orange lipstick (holla!) had melted and smeared all over my face.

exhibit a: somewhat normal karaoke

exhibit b: wtf

3. i got a new tv stand. and a new couch. here are some pictures. what's on my tv screen, you ask? oh no biggie, it's just "pretty wild", the sensational new television program brought to you by none other than the network of cinematic wonder, the e! channel, highlighting potentially the three dumbest girls ever featured on television. oh rebecca, you ask, how many episodes have you seen of this show? oh no biggie, i answer, finished the season in one weekend. also, i haven't left my chaise for three days except to go to work and to go to bar 751. shoutout to laurala for building my couch and making me feel bad enough about my clutter to throw out my bookshelf. major shoutout to the MD who built my tv stand without a hammer, instead using a frozen steak. and a shoutout to the architect for bringing a hammer when the steak wasn't good enough.

4. i ordered a leopard print cape from asos and there was free shipping. leopard.cape.enough.said.

5. the dentist and i went to chicago. we were reliving bill gates' personal friend's trip which basically involved binge eating for thee days. things that we ate included: deep dish pizza from giardano's, popcorn from garrett's, chicago hot dogs from portillo's, steak from gibsons and cinnamon buns from ann sather's. also the dentist bought a new pair of boat shoes. from nordstroms. the dentist walked into a nordstroms. we also went on a segway which was maximum cool and i was really good at it and then lost feeling in my toes but it was worth it for the sake of feeling like gob from arrested development for two hours.

6. i am halfway through the lo-down written by none other than my homegirl lo bosworth. this book is pretty awful but it has resulted in some happy things. first it made me think of lauren conrad, so i went to perez and searched what was new with her (nothing). that made me think of whitney port, which made me go on her twitter, where she mentioned a song that she's been listening to and so i obviously youtubed it and now i really like it. listen to it here

7. i got my hair re-ombred before the manrepeller did it for her first time. i win this battle, leandra. (note: leandra has won every other fashion battle ever*)
*unless she doesn't own a leopard print cape

okay thats it for now. i have a really sore throat so i think i'm going to get some froyo. apparently the trend du jour is self serve fro yo locations which is awesome for me because no one can judge me for my topping selection of oreos, skor, m&m and waffle cone (with fat-free yogurt of course)

my sister, her husband, and the growing creature in my sister's stomach are coming home next week. because of this, the kogon family are getting portraits done. if that doesn't guarantee stellar blog-worthy commentary, i don't know what else does. stay tuned. bye!

oopsies

2011-02-27T20:46:00.000-08:00

i need to stop starting my posts by saying that i'm sorry i haven't been blogging and that i'll get better because i haven't yet proved that i mean it. i'll be perfectly honest with you, dear devoted blog readers- these past few weeks have not been the funniest. without trying to be one of those melodramatic internet people (you know the ones- they make facebook statuses saying things like "no one understands me" or "thanks for nothing, life"), i can tell you that if these weeks were represented by BBM emoticons, mine would would be made up of a combination of the squiggle mouth, the dramatic cry, the green one and the stylish smiley wearing sunglasses, because thankfully i found my turban again so my style is still intact.

mildly depressing messaging aside, i obvs have been laughing about some things, so why don't i share the funniest highlights of my past few weeks. this list is in no particular order.

1. whenparentstext.com
few things have made me laugh more than this website. one particular highlight is that i posted this website to my mother's wall, letting her know that lot of her texts (i use the word "text" loosely, as more accurately she sends me a reminder to book my party room for the passover seder, followed by three messages containing only emoticons, heavy on the party hat and kissy face) would make for great site material. rather than commenting underneath my post or writing back on my wall, dear lynlyn changed her status to "don't even think about embarassing me on this" which she doesn't realize targets her message at nobody. i've included below a few other submissions that made me LOL, not from my own mother, but realistically, very well could have been.

2. remembering my trip to punta cana
i went away with the j-girl two weeks ago and let me tell you, we really lived it up. i guess i should elaborate by what i mean, because if you're thinking foam parties ala skancun, you would be wrong. but if you're thinking spending all of our money to upgrade to "royal service" which gave us a pillow menu and 24-hour room service (used only once. for cake.), you would be correct. but princess-y decisions aside, i really lived on the edge for me. let me paint a picture of this:
we're at a rave aka watching men who act as servers during the day rollerblade around wearing armwarmers while dancing to that viva americano song. j-girl and i take a seat at the bar, beside two young gentleman.
j-girl: start up a conversation with them!
at this point, i'd like to note that i've been in a relationship with the dentist for approximately 35 years so my conversation starters with the opposite sex are not great (they weren't great prior to the dentist either, let's be honest)
me: heyyyyyyy. are you doing shots of alcohol?
them: yes.
me: what is it?
them: mamajuana. want one?
me: okay
j-girl: no (editor's note: obviously)
despite my idiocy of asking twenty-something boys if what they were shooting at a bar was alcoholic, 45 minutes later, j-girl discovered that one of the boys names started with a J, so obviously off we went on a walk to the pool where we decided to go swimming. at 2am. total rule-breaking alert. i've never done anything like it. yes, it wasn't purely spontaneous as i refused to just strip off my clothes and jump in in my undergarments and insisted that i go back to my room to put on the most practical bathing suit i packed, but i'm not a character in the OC so i still think it was totally rad and i think i'm really hardcore and a really big rebel.

3. going to the trey anastasio concert with the dentist
oops did i list this as things that made me laugh? i guess i should save this for my things that made me so irritated because each song was 17 minutes long post.

anyway. this is my list for now. more blog posts to come later. it's my march resolution. and i'm starting my march resolution in february, that's how serious i am about it.

bye!

my adorable niece

2011-02-03T15:07:00.001-08:00

i haven't blogged in a while, i know. a long blog is coming soon. in the meantime, if you need a laugh, just check out this new video of my niece.

survival

2011-01-11T19:23:00.000-08:00

things i've survived recently and also not so recently:
1. two hatha yoga classes
2. one hot yoga class. who knew you could sweat from your shins? probably most of you (including the bride, who forced me to try it) since i'm probably the last person to try this. i was also the last person to see and survive...
3. black swan
4. three rod nelson sociology classes at mcgill
5. ice storm '98
6. the mild diabetic coma i induced yesterday when i ate 2 vanilla sprinkle dip donuts (with the line sprinkles) and a chocolate milk
7. getting my teeth knocked out at mcdonalds when i was 3
8. the viewing of all movies in the "halloween" series

things i haven't survived
1. lactose
2. the deadmau5 concert

if you add up both of my lists, they total 10. sorry i haven't been blogging, i've been trying to fill my social calendar. after my weekly yoga pass is up, i'll be back to normal (read: watching kardashians on the couch while ordering and devouring swiss chalet), which will give me plenty of time to blog. bye!

chanel

2011-01-05T18:31:00.000-08:00

today at work absolutely nothing was funny. unless you consider getting assigned three presentations to be due the next day funny. in that case, my day was hysterical.

my only real laugh of the day was delivered to my inbox via the mermaid.

to: sadface@ihatepresentations.com
from: mermaid@underthesea.disney
subject: do u feel the same way???

her quote is just precious:

says lively, "it's more than just a purse. it's a quilted case full of lipstick, love letters, and the dreams and possibilities that i have always felt every time i see that beautiful CC"

via jezebel

i always really liked blake lively. yes, her shirts are always too tight and she only has two facial expressions, but ever since the scene in sisterhood of the traveling pants where she runs to my favourite song unwritten by natasha bedingfield, i've been a dedicated member of team blake. the fact that she sees all of her "dreams and possibilities", despite how funny it is, has made me change my tune.

hopefully tomorrow will be super hilarious or i'll see something as funny as the dub-step bird dancing to whip my hair which will make me laugh and laugh and blog for hours. bye!

how i spent my winter vacation

2011-01-03T13:46:00.001-08:00

okay so i took a bit of a pause from the blogosphere. i promise this won't be a recurring trend for 2011. here are some highlights from my winter vacation.

1. figure skating with father and the dentist in kingston on christmas day
pro: brought me back to my figure skating days of yore (some of you may not know i was a figure skater. once i won first place in a contest out of two people.)
con: didn't realize my skates were hockey skates and not figure skates until i finished three loops
rebecca skating - the then and now edition:

2. deadmau5 concert with the mermaid
pro: VIP treatment upon entrance with no lines
con: hitting my chin/head on a table and leaving before deadmau5 went on stage and heading back to my apartment to eat wacky mac. this wacky mac part should probably be listed under the pro section. every single box of macaroni is inferior to wacky mac. if someone asked me if i wanted a hot bowl of wacky mac or a hot bowl of gold, i'd probably choose the kosher bowl of wheels and shells and spiral wonderfulness.

3. buying a navajo vest
pro: it's amazing
con: nobody else seems to think so

4. receiving my velvet turban in the mail
pro: when i wear it, i feel like a sexy female version of jafar
con: see con for navajo vest

5. trying yoga
pro: the dentist's sister, the yogi, taught me some moves and informed me while doing the cow's lips and downward dog that i have really loose hammy's. i must confess i don't really know where or what a hammy is, but whatever, it must basically mean that i excel at sports.
con: i was dressed inappropriately and had to do yoga in the dentist's little brother's shirt that says "i rock" with a picture of a rocking chair

6. going through my clothes
pro: now that i have rid of the 7 bags of clothes at the foot of bed, it is unlikely that i will ever again be left with a note saying that my clothes are "out of control"
con: the realization that i wasted a lot of money on space fb "loungewear"

7. debating the kardashians
pro: using facebook as a forum to participate in a serious discussion about the kardashians
con: the scary reality that 10 university educated women have so many opinions on this family. also why this made it on to my highlights list.

a lot of other things happened over this break too, but i'm scared if i keep going, i'll miss the premiere of the bachelor and unfortunately devoted blog readers, it's too big of a risk to take. also you might be wondering why i didn't put up pictures for each category. it's because i didn't feel like it and this is my blog. bye!

christmas dinner

2010-12-25T19:44:00.001-08:00

today lyn lyn hosted a faux christmas dinner at our house. what was faux about it was that we only had one other jewish family, we started our meal with matza ball soup and our entree included a chai kosher turkey, all of which are probably not very common at a real christmas dinner. also there was no tree or mariah carey heartfelt christmas ballads.

i'm too full of brussel sprouts to write a complete post, but wanted to share my favourite LOL moment of the evening, which was when lyn lyn asked her friend how to spell youtube. welcome to 2010, mom.

happy everything bye!

comic sans ms

2010-12-22T18:33:00.000-08:00

i really, really hate the comic sans ms font.

if you see the font on a menu, you know that there is a 95% guarantee that the restaurant is going to heat your food with a microwave or worse, give you food poisoning.

i find that most often, you find comic sans ms on brightly coloured paper (or maybe pastel coloured paper because it's cheaper than the "brightz" collection) and it has likely been designed using microsoft word to be used in a community newsletter

the mermaid sent me this article about the pro's of comic sans ms. it is really funny!

bryan greenberg sent me this article about the con's of comic sans ms. it is also really funny!

i admit. i am the helvetica asshole on the 17 inch macbook pro (fine, the 15 inch). but come on peeps. step it up in the font department. serifs or not, you can do better than comic sans ms. what do you think about the font? let me know bye!

ps- it should be known that blogger only has 6 fonts options and comic sans ms is not one of them. but don't give them too much credibility- one of their provided fonts is webdings which is only useful should you want to write an entire post in purely emoticons. thanks for nothing, blogger.

nyc

2010-12-20T17:20:00.001-08:00

so the family "did" nyc. and by "did" nyc, it means we ate a lot and walked into a lot of stores.

time for a quick recap of some highlights:

1. my mom (aka lyn lyn), sister and i went for a late night bite at the carnegie deli. upset at how much food was left over, my mom had the waiter wrap up the rest of our meals so we could give it to a homeless man. immediately leaving the restaurant, we had this conversation:
sister: didn't juliani get rid of all of the homeless people? how are we going to find someone to give this to?
mom: (tilting her head towards a man peering in the window of the carnegie deli) go give it to him- he looks homeless and hungry
me: that "homeless" man is carrying a $2,000 handbag, a bottle of $8 fiji water and also may or may not be alexander wang

2. i am going through a really big caramel corn phase and made the wise purchase of $12 bloomingdales holiday corn. when we got to saks, lyn lyn was on a mission to find a mink coat in a department that had no chairs so sister and i were left standing, hungry and tired. let's eat some popcorn, i suggested. so in saks, we opened our bloomies popcorn and stood like hobos eating it amongst a sea of coats. the sales clerk was guiding lyn lyn through some coats and stopped to glare at us, not knowing who we were. rather than defending her precious daughters, lyn lyn pretended she didn't know us and continued walking with the sales clerk. that was the moment i realized that lyn lyn may or may not love coats more than her daughters.

3. my experience in the prada store in soho was pretty classic. i walked down the stairs and there was my boss. fancy meeting you here, i said. but realistically it wasn't that fancy, since she lives a block away, was in nyc at the time and also wears a lot of prada. sister, lyn lyn and i were looking at the clutches. how much is this one, i asked the sales clerk. $600, she responded. i see, i answered, do you have it in black? sorry, only red, she responded. that was classic because when i can't afford something i ask for it in another colour knowing it's not available in that colour, to make the sales clerk think i would buy it if it only were right for me.

here is a picture of carnegie deli winning the #1 best restaurant in america as chosen by the united pickle products corporation. what the heck is the united pickle products corporation. that is a ridiculous corporation!

here is a picture of lyn lyn at the mercer kitchen. i get my love of leopard from her:

here is a picture of me and father in nyc at the apple store:

when we were in nyc, we bought my neices shirts with their first initials on them. the older neice who is currently going through a phase where she only wears animal costumes insisted on her wearing her sister's shirt who is two years her junior, and vice versa. rachel looooooves wearing my E shirt, she said. rachel probably does love it because she loves everything including bananas, chocolate, peek-a-boo and flirting with the dentist, which she did all of last night. here is a pic of my neices.

hope you liked my trip to nyc!

off to the big apple

2010-12-16T11:34:00.000-08:00

hi bloggerati. i just wanted to let you know that i'm heading to nyc today with the fam. here are some things that i'm really looking forward to for this trip:

1. my mother, father, 34-year-old brother, 31-year-old sister and myself sharing a room
2. having zero plans made for the weekend and the "friendly" debates that will arise as a result of that
3. enjoying a massive steak dinner, and then enduring a meatmare while sharing a room with my mother, father, brother and sister

my family is arriving on 4 different flights and also departing on 4 different flights, so that's basically efficiency at its absolute worst. currently at the porter airport. my mother has already stashed 7 packets of cookies. for the hotel room, she explained to my judging eyes, for when your sister gets hungry.

stay tuned for a full recap on sunday. bye!

secret santa

2010-12-15T16:03:00.000-08:00

today was our office secret santa. last night at 9:00 p.m. i was buying my secret santa present.

my colleague who will remained unnamed had asked for a dvd of beauty and the beast. but since this colleague is also my friend, i decided to step it up and top off the dvd with something really special and something i knew she really wanted.

last year, i was having major tummy issues so i underwent a colonoscopy. it was up there on the list of worst experiences of my life, or at least one of the worst 4 hours of my 2009. other worst 4 hour experiences of 2009 included filming a ctv shoot outside for 4 hours straight on a day that was -30, and going on a hike in australia that was 4 hours and rated difficult. anyway, when i told my colleague about my colonoscopy prep, she seemed a bit envious. so with input from K, i decided to gift her her very own 4L bottle of peg-lyte in delicious fruit punch flavour!

so off i went to shoppers drug mart to purchase this. but i also needed to purchase a new scale since my other one broke (hopefully not a sign). when i got to the cash, i realized i looked like a raging bulimic, purchasing only two items: a scale and 4L of laxatives. do you have the beauty and the beast dvd, i asked trying to seem more normal. the cashier shook her head. it's cool, i said, i just needed it to go with my secret santa gift, i explained pointing at the peg-lyte. normalcy confirmed!

today at our holiday lunch, i presented my amiga with the peg-lyte. this is gold, she squealed in delight, this is the perfect christmas day activity!

dear girl-who-must-not-be-named's colon,
happy holidays!
love always,
rebecca

birthdays

2010-12-12T13:31:00.000-08:00

my sister sent me a hilarious email. before i share it with you, i feel i should preface that growing up in our house, birthdays were never a very big deal for my brother, my sister or i. there were no balloons hanging on our chairs. not a "happy birthday" banner to be seen. birthday cards waiting on our place at the kitchen beside our beautifully wrapped presents? one year on my birthday, my mom picked me up from basketball camp (you read it correctly) and handed me a coffee crisp and an issue of new moon, a monthly creative interfaith zine based on the woman's menstrual cycle. happy birthday, she said, we're having frozen cannelloni for dinner.

anyway, my sister and brother are born on the same day, but three years apart. on the morning of their birthdays, i get this e-mail from my sister:

"mom and dad (mom) just sent brother and i a joint ecard which was prepared four days ago...i guess in case mom forgot what day 2/3 of her children were born. and i guess sending two separate cards would have been taxing"

on that note, here is a cute picture of my niece making a snowman. happy sunday bye!

interior design fail

2010-12-09T16:53:00.000-08:00

well it's been a while. thanks for the reminder, MOM. the reality is, i took a break from blogging to build anticipation and to generate buzz and excitement over thingsithinkarefunny.net (the real reality is that 2011 strategic plans have been taking over my life- can you tell? who generates buzz and excitement besides quirky beauty product brands and playful hair accessories?)

i'm currently in the middle of re-doing my apartment. well, sort of. so far the only new addition is my television. but a couch is coming soon- and hopefully a lot more. i've been telling people that i'm looking for an interior decorator who will basically work for nothing, but can completely transform my space (if you want the job, call me - seriously) i was explaining this job opening to some girls in the office who didn't believe me when i said i had no design ability at all.

my apartment has basically nothing good going on, i said, trust me. reminiscing on my design fails brought a smile to my face (and a look of disbelief to the girls in the office) so i thought i'd highlight a few of them on the ole blog.

exhibit a: the kitchen incident of 2005-2008
my favourite features: olive green fridge from 1970s, pictures of painkiller addicts martha stewart and eminem ripped out from an us weekly,
don't mind the mermaid in the picture below. she was imitating sylvia plath. just run of the mill for apartment 208!

exhibit b: the bedroom incident of 2006-2008
i wanted to have an accent wall (probably an idea stolen from a stupid oprah magazine or something) and invited my friends to help me paint it but decided it wasn't of value to tape the ceilings or to get a ladder so the mermaid, susie homemaker and the doctor climbed on my dresser.
my favourite features: brown paint on blue wall

exhibit c: the space wall of 2009-2010
i decided to have a space themed birthday partee (because i really, really, really love outer space) so the doctor created me a space wall. i decided to leave it up for over a year. sweet!
my favourite feature: the neon alien and pipecleaner planets

exhibit d: the tv stand of 2010-hopefully not very much longer
i didn't have a tv stand so i had to make do with what i had
my favourite feature: the keeping up with the kardashians that plays on the machine resting on the knocked over shelving unit. other than that, nothing.

so basically it's good that i have other skills because my decorating ability is truly subpar. see ya!

television

2010-12-05T09:05:00.001-08:00

television is currently in the process of ruining my (social) life.

my on-and-off relationship with television started when i was eight years old. my parents made me an offer i couldn't resist: if i didn't watch tv for a year, they'd get me either a hamster, $200 or a bike. in reality it was only between $200 and a bike since my parents warned me before i made my selection that my brother was deathly allergic (he isn't) so it wouldn't be very nice if i picked that. more about my sour relationship with animals later. being an eight year old, it was an obvious choice. a bike! a green ccm ice! what would i do with $200 anyway? there's only so many five cent fizz candies that an eight year old can buy. so i didn't watch tv for a year. i didn't even cheat at friend's houses. the only exception was my viewing of the full house finale (michelle's amnesia was so sad! i can't believe she fell off the horse!). and much to the dismay of my grandfather who gave my dad $300 worth of canadian tire money to buy me a bike, my dad took me to wal-mart where i bought my hunter green ccm ice bike with matching helmet. now my parents are pretty impressive- i needed a new bike. i had outgrown my last one. they would have bought me a bike regardless, but somehow they tricked me into taking the year off the boob tube. well done.

it's not that ever since then i wasn't interested in tv, but it didn't consume a lot of my life. my house had and remains to have only two televisions- one of them being 13 inches with a built in vcr and the capability of having 13 channels. primo for watching my babysitters club vhs, but that's basically it.

when i got to university, the mermaid and i opted not to have a tv. in third year, my grandfather was appalled with my lack of tv, so he bought me one (well actually he told me he bought it new, but since the remote was scotch taped up and the screen had a scratch, i suspect he was lying). the mermaid and i never got around to ordering cable. one day the boys downstairs asked if they could "borrow" the tv to use the bigger screen for a hockey game and i didn't see the tv again until moving out on fourth year (the tv ended up being used as a permanent guitar hero screen in the boy's apartment).

when i moved to toronto, getting a tv didn't cross my mind. thanks to the interweb, i watched all of my shows online, albeit at weirder times than everyone else (if gossip girl airs at 9, it will come online to be streamed usually around 11:20). finally i became sick of the extreme heat on my lap from resting my laptop on it, sick of the neck strains from trying to watch the tv in bed and sick of the pixelated video quality, more times than not with asian subtitles. i caved, went to best buy and bought myself a tv.

the tv got delivered yesterday. since delivery i have watched (i have no shame on this blog) 12 episodes of keeping up with the kardashians, 2 episodes of top chef and some show called winning the lottery changed my life. this tv is ruining me. i was invited out yesterday, but made an excuse. i'm tired, i said, and i have to finish work. i do have to finish work, that part is true, but all i want to do is watch khloe and kourtney and weird-perma-surprised-faced bruce jenner make lewd jokes to one another.

help! save my social life!

collective rejection

2010-12-04T11:46:00.000-08:00

the television man just greeted me at my apartment by asking how old i was. since you have to be 18 years old to give rogers access, this was insulting and not funny at all. what was funny was that i laughed when he asked and said reassuringly, don't worry, i'm 22. what? i'm 24. why did i say that?!

the mermaid called me this morning and asked if i was alone. why? i asked. she told me she was embarrassed that she was picked up by a certain man last night. cool, i said. via a 2:00 a.m. limbo contest in a bar, she elaborated. hello romance.

at least my friend the mermaid was picked up. the opposite happened last week. M asked some girls in the office if we could go out for drinks in the financial district. we agreed to join her. so after a $15.50 cab to travel three blocks, we hopped out dressed in our pr best to conquer the financial scene (read: outdo the lady suits). we enter ki to be greeted by 3,245 men congregated around the bar. M, K, Lady P and myself walked in awkward circles looking for a place to stand. finally we found 4 free square feet and settled ourselves. boy there are a lot of tits here tonight, said the man in the suit beside us. classy, i thought, i love investment bankers! we thought we spotted an empty table so we approached it. apparently the power move du jour is to buy expensive drinks and to place them on the table but not to sit around it, just to casually lean against it in an oh so powerful manner. so M asked the men beside the table if we could use their seats. they said yes. so we happily congregated around the table and were finishing our glasses of white when a waitress approached us. the men at this table have asked me to ask you to leave, she said, sorry ladies. now we're not models. but on the pretty scale, if you combined all of our looks, we are definitely above average. at least a collective 7.5. so to be collectively rejected at a bar filled with men as old as our grandfathers (and as attractive), this was pretty ultimate. this is our cue to leave, directed M. and off we went. so long ki, see ya next time.

on the plus side, one male suit told me he liked my hat. so i guess the night was a success after all!

rebates

2010-12-01T08:00:00.000-08:00

if you don't watch the office, you might not appreciate this post. but if you're bad at remembering to mail things, you might.

i am really, really organized. if you invite me to something and give me a time, i will be there and i will be there early. i am prepared for meetings, i meet deadlines and i always have a pen. but there is one thing area of organization which i am brutal at: i constantly fail at sending snail mail.

in university, my roommate the mermaid and i would fight over who had to mail our bell internet cheques. i would keep it in my knapsack for 3 weeks, passing the mailbox each day and always forgetting to drop it in. then the mermaid would take it for another 3 weeks, and she would also forget. then the dentist would end up giving us an exasperated sigh and would mail it for us. he did this also before washing the pile of dishes in our sink. the dentist was a great asset to our living situation.

anyway, i recently cheated the system and took advantage of the education discount at apple when buying my computer to receive a free printer and ipod. but 82 days later, i realize these things aren't so "free" if i don't send in the rebate before the 90 day cut-off. i called bryan greenberg and asked him how to do it. he gave me an exasperated sigh (i think i cause a lot of boys a lot of exasperation- maybe something to work on for 2011?) and told me how. i asked him to remind me to send in my rebates. i work, he said, i don't have time for this.

clearly he did have time for this because when i returned from lunch the next day, he had:
-sent me an e-mail to my work address
-sent me an e-mail to my personal address
-sent me a text message
-sent me a whatsapp message
-sent me a facebook message
-wrote on my facebook wall
-sent me a direct message on twitter
-sent me a message via linkedin
-sent the dentist a message to remind me
-called my colleague and asked her to place a sticky note on my computer

i told the dentist that evening and he pointed out that he totally WUPHF'd me! what an effective social network! well actually, not that effective since I had to ask J to mail it for me. but at least i remembered to put the rebates in the envelopes.

here's hoping i am $318 dollars richer in the next 8 days. bye!

the hat strikes again

2010-11-28T06:23:00.000-08:00

on friday night, i went to a birthday party for my friend G. on the facebook invite, she had confirmed 64 friends. attending at the party, she had approximately 94 friends. let it be known that i consider any party i throw a success if i make it to the double digits. and that rarely happens.

anyway, when i was discussing what to wear to this party, M told me i was not to wear anything repellant. i agreed. my boyfriend the dentist is in town and he deserves a night sans fur. as i was getting dressed, i couldn't resist. i had to wear a hat. the dentist had led us to a series of events that made us very late so when we were getting ready i basically threatened him. you can't make one comment about how i look tonight, i said, if we were running on schedule i could accommodate 15 minutes to fight about my smokey eyes, but we're not, so not a word. so on went the hat, and out the door we went.

the next day at brunch, the dentist said the following: now that it's tomorrow, i need to tell you something- your hat is hideous. luckily the dentist is usually really nice to me and also exclusively wears running shoes and ringer tees, so i don't take his fashion criticism too seriously. do you hate my hat? i asked everyone at brunch. my friend the MD said he thought it was beautiful. that was really nice because the MD didn't like me for about 7 years and only recently came around. i'm really glad he did, because we are in a movie club where we watch all the great movies together. and by watch the great movies, i mean we watch starship troopers. and by watch, i mean i sleep and he kicks me every four minutes to make sure i wake up. it is a really special relationship that i have with the MD.

look how much i love hats:

anyway, the point is the MD likes my hat so i'll continue to wear it. bye!

birkin

2010-11-25T13:31:00.000-08:00

today at work, j and i had a funny conversation:

me: j, what would you rather? a birkin or a kelly?
j: a burger? i'd love a burger!
me: no, a birkin.
j: what are you saying about burgers?
me: no a kelly bag or a birkin!
j: a kelly or a burka? definitely a kelly.

after looking online

j: i still think i'd like the burger more.

note: i would not rather a burger.

weird party

2010-11-24T13:46:00.000-08:00

today i opened my inbox at work to see a link taking me to a series of hilarious images sent to me by B. thought this might be interesting, she said. she was right. these are interesting.

things that i find funny about these images:

image 1: pharell is basically touching oprah's boob. and oprah seems to love it.

image 2: anna wintour looks like the nerd in the social situation (read: me) who stands in the back and tries to awkwardly follow what everyone else is doing. she also looks a little bit constipated.

image 3: anna wintour and puffy are basically getting it on which is making me uncomfortable even talking about it. also, someone is taking a picture of it on a standard digicam which just makes me so jealous that i don't have access to the fb album that it was obvs posted in.

image 4: oprah is being sandwiched by pharell and puffy. i don't think i need to elaborate.

image 5: katy perry being raised a la bar mitzvah. she is also wearing a light-up dress.

this was a really weird party. i'm so jelly i wasn't there. bye!

ps. i know this was taken from the met gala and that was a while ago but deal with it. bye again!

spooky

2010-11-22T17:37:00.001-08:00

something so spooky happened at work today!

after flipping through the december issue of best health, i saw that my client got a hit in the gift guide. i passed it along to be scanned by one of our interns who basically shares a name with lisa tant, editor-in-chief of flare magazine (especially confusing when she e-mails you and you're all like, oh wow why is the editor-in-chief of flare magazine e-mailing me? and then you read it and it's like, oh it's the best health i asked to be scanned 2 minutes ago). i didn't open the e-mail because i had to jump on a call that was 3.5 hours long and actually not very funny at all- the only funny moment happened during the call, when our director of operations brought me pistachios and water because she thought i might need sustenance (i did).

anyway, i took a lot at the magazine scan when i got back to my desk and saw the clip. looks normal right?

okay. now look closely at what i've pointed out below:

hmm. how interesting. perfect holiday gifts for the whole family!

tell your loved ones you care with their very own copy of mo family season 1! 'mo family 'mo problems?

wish your nearest and dearest a happy holiday with a personalized emo note!

and finally, spoil your pampered pooch with their very own ddddd spray. extra dddddeodorizing? (ha ha?)

now the weird part of this is that the hard copy of the magazine spelled modern, memo, letter and "for your dog" correctly (how did the scanner even create ddddd?). so basically the scanner is out to get me or at least out to frame the faux lisa tant.

oh well. you win some, you lose some. one point scanner, negative two points faux lisa tant and kiehl's dog spray.

popcorn and iced tea

2010-11-20T16:46:00.000-08:00

today after a particularly unpleasant incident involving half a brick of jalapeno havarti and a handful of blue menu pretzels, i decided i needed to leave the house to get something more to eat. where did i go, you ask? i headed to holt renfrew knowing that they often pass around free samples on saturdays. three stops to the iced tea table and 2 refills of my lime and strawberry flavoured popcorn (delicious, by the way), and i was left content enough to gaze adoringly at the leopard print miu miu pumps and thigh high louboutins and then return back to my apartment to watch 8 episodes of 30 rock.

more logical ideas than sample grubbing at holt renfrew:
1. going to the grocery store directly beside my apartment
2. anything else besides going to one of the most expensive stores in canada to dine on free popcorn and iced tea

i don't know how i handle living such a glamorous life!

note: the popcorn really is good. i suggest you go tomorrow. you'll probably see me there. bye!

manrepeller

2010-11-18T17:35:00.000-08:00

i am obsessed with manrepeller.com. i basically talk about it 13 times a day, which for those of you who know me (which is everyone who reads this blog, let's be honest), is not at all an exaggeration. a blog about fashion trends that men find crazy and unattractive? those are the best kind of fashion trends! i love being a man repeller and i don't care who knows it!

i was out for dinner with my friend the lawyer tonight and telling her about this blog. she didn't understand at first, so i tried to give her some context. i described my outfit from saturday night. you know, i explained, i was wearing a bowler hat, a cropped fur jacket and 11 necklaces, including 2 (!) in the shape of teeth. you're joking, she said. i told her that i saw an old friend from mcgill and at first i thought he checked me out, but then he followed his elevator stare by asking if i was wearing a racoon. nice. he always did know how to me me blush!

if you need a good laugh, or want some reassurance for loving your harem pants, leopard print, camel capes or anything fur, read the blog.

before i go, i just want to declare that while the blog may be new-ish to me, i have been a man repeller from a young age. if the bowtie post below didn't convince you, maybe the pic below will do the trick. you know what they say, if you can't dress to impress at the smithsonian air and space museum, then you can't dress to impress anywhere!*

*they don't actually say that

scientific math calculations

2010-11-16T18:22:00.000-08:00

today i told my boss that i started a blog about things i think are funny. her response? "you're like a fucking walking billboard for funny" but she said it in kind of a mean voice, as if no one would want to read that billboard. but then she followed up by telling me if my blog was any good she'd tweet about it. that was nice, since usually she reserves her twitter for inspirational quotes from a variety of popular and also unpopular romantic comedies.

anyway, today i was what's app-ing with my friend bryan greenberg. this was our conversation:

bryan: because i haven't messaged you for so long, i'm going to give you an exclusive. i joined OKCupid
me: are you married yet?
bryan: no, i'm a monster. i've received like 2 messages and my profile has been up for 4 days.
me: that's good isn't it?
bryan: i've scientifically calculated with math that it will take me a jillion years to find a husband this way.

things that are funny about this conversation:
1. he told me this was an exclusive. this is funny because he works at a newspaper and i work in pr so we totally get this.
2. i'm really glad he specified his calculation efforts. now that i know he has done this, i don't need to question how he reached the number "one jillion" because it was scientifically calculated with math!
3. i don't really believe that my friend bryan greenberg is looking for a husband. he claims he is the type to want a husband, but he really defies most stereotypes. well maybe not most, he did just send me this text:

bryan: OMGOMGOMGOM. the gwynnie glee is on tonight. stop the presses (ed note. another newspaper joke- this guy is on FIRE)

if i liked glee or had a television, i would definitely tune in. but since i don't, i'm off to watch the new episode of one tree hill in crappy quality on megavideo. ciao babes.

i did bowties before lanvin

2010-11-15T20:02:00.000-08:00

tomorrow i have two massive presentations due at work, so naturally, i spent 1.5 hours this afternoon with my colleagues discussing the lanvin for h&m collection. after carefully studying the website online, M announced that she felt a lot of relief because based on the collection, she didn't feel the need to wake up early and wait in line. that was a relief to all of us because waking up for 10am would be a huge sacrifice and we are really glad she doesn't need to go through that.

M and K were looking at the collection together and said they found the most "doogie-esque" outfit ever. my nickname at work is doogie by the way which i try to take as a compliment because doogie howser was really good at being a doctor at 12 but it's also a bit of an insult because i am 14 years older than doogie. anyway back to lanvin. the "doogie-esque" outfit was from the men's collection. they were right, because i liked it a lot. later tonight when i was going through the 1,253 photos of myself on facebook, i came across one that was oddly similar to the man-repelling h&m look which only says that i was foreshadowing this trend 20 years ago! okay friends- who wore it best?

points for his moustache (it is movember, after all) but i think my haircut gives me the one-up. thoughts?